Disorientation of Disembarking
Fearful that with my unusual absence,
all your ongoing accusations and doubts will be
confirmed. But also more fearfully aware that if i never take a risk,
I forfeit any possible lessons being learned...
Exasperating every other option I've managed to conjure up,
From daily desperate pleas for your attention to
completely driving you crazy.
With everything crumbling around me
And each passing day our future together becoming
a little more hazy.
i'm forced to step out of my element,
and take each moment one by one...
Holding my breath, drowning in repeated rejections
Asking questions that may never be answered,
Looking to God for the final outcome.
If you never miss me, can you ever value my worth?
Or will I ever find again what i allowed you to make
I can't remember what was important before you
and i no longer know who i am
It's constant fight or flight with all the non stop
So many glances shared between a definite mutual attraction,
so much confusion remains in one of the party's reactions.
So many lies told the truth still remains unknown,
so much heartache for the one whose feelings have deeply grown.
So much love felt for a man who is undeserving,
so much lack of consideration it's really quite unnerving.
So many hopes that she'll be noticed for everything she is,
so much belief that one day he'll understand what she truly gives.
So much shame that she must feel when she realizes it's just a game,
so many hours of her time she's rendered to only feel such pain.
So much obliviousness to the reality that she's just someone to pass the
so many tears she's got left to cry when she recognizes she was so blind.
So much damage that's been done to her heart she fears it'll never mend, so many dreams that one day her prince charming the Lord will surely send.
So much sadness that'll engulf her when she sees that's not the case, so many thoughts of destruction once she concludes it was all just a waste.
I must detach my mind from wandering thoughts or it'll take me to that place.
The reality of time lost and emptiness engulfs your now void space.
I must detach my heart from dreams and love, it had no business in.
The reality that while I fought to save us, you were only suiting up to win.
I must detach my emotions just so I'm able to survive.
I can't allow myself to grasp the concept that for months I lived a lie.
I must detach myself from idealisms and come to terms with what is real.
Wrapping my mind around what this has entailed is a grief so deep the wounds won't heal.
Out Of Time
No more excuses, no more lies.
No more misconceptions, no more whys.
No more explanations, no more feelings of despair.
No more criticism, no more being treated unfair.
No more of your crumbs, no more of your confusion.
No more of your games, no mare of my energy you're using.
No more tears my eyes will cry, no more sleepless nights wondering how come.
No more chances for anyone not worthy, no more b******* I am done.