Introduction
And they lived happily ever after. . . And that is kind of true for truly real love relationships. There will be bumps in any relationship. That is what is called “life.” The test is how the individuals face and cope with those bumps. And that is what this section will illustrate.
Just as in the other part of my narrative, A Black Love Story: A Senior's Perspective, I shall transcribe from my diary; then, I shall share my perspectives as a senior who has looked back and garnered some wisdom that I wish to share with my readers.
Now, you may note that I have not entitled this section, Challenges Faced During a Black Love Relationship. Why not? NO matter one’s ethnicity or race, one or more of these challenges will be faced by any couple and you do not have to look out for them; if you live long enough, something will happen.
Some challenge will “rock your world.” Don’t look for it; it will happen, sometimes, when you least expect it. Then, you will see what you and your loved one are really made of—for the long haul or just for a short run.
OK, let me start. . .
Challenge One: Learning to Communicate One’s True Feelings to One Another
Diary Entry
Dear Regioque (Feb. 29, 1980) I talked with Bob last night about different things. It was interesting that he remarked that some women whom he had dated saw marriage as a fairy tale. I quickly noted what I thought he was implying. And I firmly let him know I’m under no illusions. However, I choose not to focus on the banal side of marriage. I was slightly annoyed but not as fumed as I used to be months ago. And what was good was we could express our feelings freely.
Also, I let him know how I felt about living in the same city as his ex-wife lived. I do not want to live in the same city as she, but I recognize that his new job would require that he lived in the city he worked. Well, at least I feel good to be able to get that out of my system. I feel if this relationship is to REALLY grow we must be able to say what we feel without fear of repercussions.
Earlier this week we discussed how we planned to spend this weekend. I wanted him to come over tonight; he wanted to wait until Saturday. I didn’t say anything that night. I needed to think about it, and I perceived he was pooped. But it did bother me.
At first I questioned if this were a repeat of past relationships. Then, I felt this just reaffirmed our not marrying regardless of his statements that he cared for me. Then, I wanted to talk to someone. But nope. I decided to discuss my concerns with him the following night.
That was good. I figured it’s best to let the person I’m involved with know my reservations.
2025
No matter how mature one may be in age or how many degrees one may have, these issues mean nothing when it comes to romance. Well, let me say in regards to myself. I had been hurt in the past. As much as I tried not to let the past influence my thoughts and feelings, it did, and that was not Bob’s fault; that was on me.
Yes, I was insecure. And I did not want to get hurt again. I did not want to be a fool. And as one song in the 70s by The Main Ingredient said: “Everybody plays the fool; there’s no exception to the rule.” I had been a fool in some past relationships. And if this were to happen to me in this one with Bob, oh well, I would have to deal with it and move on.
This was not Bob’s fault. And so, I had to recognize that Bob had not done anything to make me distrust him; these were my fears, my insecurities, and I had to cope with them. I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable and share these fears and insecurities with the man whom I was with and know that I would not die if Bob turned out to be a liar and cheat, which he did not—whew!
One thing is certain: I did not die in the past, and I would not die if my relationship with Bob had not gone well. Yes, I would have snot-nose cried, but not died. And that is what I want to remind every young woman out there. Yes, you may feel awful; you may feel like a fool, but you will LIVE!
Furthermore, if you really care for the guy, let him know how you feel. No man can read your mind; you have to communicate with him. This is the firm basis for a real love relationship. As the years continued, I would periodically re-read this Feb. 29 diary entry and remember to share my concerns, fears, and irritations with the man whom I was with, not with anyone else. And that level of open communication made our relationship/our marriage strong.
Diary Entry