INTRODUCTION
Let me make this one thing clear. If you are looking for a work that graphically or non-graphically gives details about the sexual aspects of this or any relationship, stop reading, Why? My generation was taught that intimate details should only be between the two involved. In other words, that ain’t anyone’s business but just those parties involved.
Now, let us continue with the setup of this work. It is from my diary to my guardian angel. His name, although I am a female, I always, ever since I began writing this diary, saw my guardian angel as a male. Um, maybe the influence of society, whatever, maybe because I am a “boomer” and, in my early days, males dominated. So, his name is Regioque.
I began this diary at the age of thirteen. I have volumes from that age to now, 2025, definitely nowhere near the age of thirteen. I am a retired college professor and publisher.
This diary entry begins in 1977. I have chosen to transcribe it as it was actually written then. Thus, there is no editing, just my actual feelings at that time, sometimes raw and deliberate.
Next, this book is for my daughter, granddaughter, and really for all daughters and granddaughters. I figure this may help them understand me as a mom and grandmom, well after I croak. It may help other daughters and granddaughters understand their moms and grandmoms. Hopefully, it will help them as they navigate the road to romance, lack of, and, finally, the right one.
Oh, let me briefly describe myself—the self I was in 1977. I would not say I would stop an eight-day clock, but I was not bad-looking. Some told me I should have been a model. I opted to be a teacher working toward a Ph.D. in Education.
OK, that’s enough—let’s begin.
Diary Entry: End Of 1977
Dear Regioque (Dec. 31). This is the last day of 1977. It has been quite a year. I have been very busy, almost to physical and mental exhaustion. However, through God’s Help and the help of my other Heavenly friends, I have survived. I have learned several things: 1) how to deal with failure; 2) that I can still love a man despite his serious faults and the hurt he causes me; and 3) how to take things a little more calmly.
I pray that 1978 brings three things: 1) a happy marriage for Mums and Daddy; 2) a special man whom I can like and who will love me more than I him; and 3) an intensification of my faith in God’s ability to settle troubled matters.
This year has not been one of the best of years. I have cried a lot over Charles (a fictitious name to protect his children and/or him from any embarrassment or lawsuit for defamation) and the general emptiness of my social life. It has been interesting. I know I have become stronger. However, I would not want to experience this year again.
2025
I am no holy roller. However, I can say that in order to deal with all challenges, especially romantic ones, you need to believe in a Higher Power. That is how I learned how to learn that I really never failed, but I did make mistakes. I learned to admit them to myself and others if others were involved or affected in any way. I figured out how not to make the same mistakes repeatedly; this was a lesson well learned.
However, one of the best lessons learned was NOT to love a man despite his serious faults and hurt he caused me. PHOOEY! I would say to any young woman: “Don’t put up with stuff and you ain’t married to the dude. Yeah, you may want to get married, but, if he is causing you more grief than happiness, he AIN’T for you!”
Of course, that seems easier to hear from an ol’ lady, but, trust me, it is true!
And as I got older, I learned that the saying: "God may not be on your time, but He is always on time” is really true. So, let Him do His thang even when you think He has not heard your prayers for a good dude.
As you read more of my love story, you will see what I mean.
OK, this will continue. . .
Diary Entry: Jan. 3, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 3, 1978) Happy New Year! I spent a quiet New Year’s Eve with Daddy. And New Year’s Day was just as peaceful.
Mums went to the Rose Bowl. She returned safely. Thank You! She had a grand time despite the fact that U-M lost 27-20 to the Washington Huskies. Oh well.
Last night my Founders Day committee met. And we got a lot accomplished. So January 28 is the big day. I really would like Mums to come for this. Oh, I think during that weekend Charles will move. He has signed papers to move in a very spiffy house. I wish him happiness.
On Saturday night I am to meet a guy who works with Cynthia’s brother. I have only a bare idea about the guy. He is supposed to be quite intelligent, tall (6’5”—whew!!), a neat dresser, and has a place of his own.
Cynthia could not get a straight answer from her brother about his looks. Let’s hope he is adequate-looking. I am a little nervous about this. I do hope and pray things go smoothly. Oh, he has been married before. Well, I pray that God handles the evening.
2025
A love story does not exist in a vacuum. And so, my entries will mention more than a dude and me; it will mention other incidents that occur in my life. So, don’t let that rattle some of you who want just the stuff about a budding possibility of a romance.
In the 70s there were few dating sites. So, meeting a person was greatly dependent on friends who knew you were up to meeting someone. My good friend, Cynthia, was that friend.
You can see that I remark about the guy’s divorced status. In the 70s there were not as many individuals in the 30ish age range who were divorced, at least not among those I knew. Also, my Mother had a saying about divorced men; it was the following: “A divorced man is like a used car; you really do not know what you are getting.”
First of all, my Mother married my Daddy, who was divorced. So, I wondered did this apply to my Daddy. Next, at a first date, I was not planning on marrying the guy, just seeing how he was as a person. Finally, I can say that in 2025, if a young lady is using a man’s divorced status as her key criterion for a choice for dating a guy, she will be a lonely woman.
I learned not just with this guy but, finally, with the man I did marry, that my Mother’s saying definitely did not apply to every man. Yep, I believe that One should follow one’s mother’s words of caution, but, when one is past twenty-five years old, she must think for herself. And if she makes a bad choice, this can happen with any man despite his previous marital or non-marital status.
Furthermore, as I became older, I recognized that my Mother had her own issues that clouded some of her advice.
Diary Entry: Jan. 15, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 15, 1978) Yesterday has been a productive day. I hope that today is just as well. I shall try.
Charles is moving. And as the time gets closer, I realize I shall miss him, and I love him. However, I think I can honestly say that I am willing to let God handle him. Charles has done a lot to move out of my life. And I have resolved to let him do his thing. I figure if God wants to get us together, we will.
In the meantime, I am ready to meet someone new. I am open to giving another chap a chance to know and care for me. This has taken time. I shall let God choose the man for me. I hope He gives me a sign so that I know the chap.
I figure the only way my professional, academic, and social life will improve will be through God’s Help and the prayers of my Heavenly Friends. I’ve got to take it easy.
Cynthia gave my phone number to her brother. Her brother gave my number to his friend with whom he works. The guy was told to call me tomorrow. And so, if he does, he does. I do hope I meet someone nice soon. Despite all my homework and professional work, I would like more out of life. Oh well, such is life.
As much as I try not to let it bother me, I do feel sad that Charles has not even called me. I guess it is his way of moving out of my life. Oh well, maybe he is right. But it still pinches my feelings a bit. But I must admit that I really understand the reasoning behind this action. And so, it does not bother me as much as it would have a few months ago. I realize he is leaving.
And, indeed, he is moving out of my life. However, he will always hold a significant spot in my heart.
2025
At first blush I say to myself, “Silly me, quit moaning and groaning about the dude." However, age has taught me that ending a serious relationship is like a death. And one must go through the stages of grief. And, yes, I did grieve.
However, I recognize I may have spent too much time grieving over a fellow who did not love me as I did him. And that is not a bad thing on his part. No one can make someone feel as she feels. I learned through that period of growth that I had to respect that guy’s feelings, some which I may never really know or understand. And, most importantly, I began to understand that I was not on this earth to garner a “Ph.D. in Dude’s Feelings” but a doctorate in Education, which I did earn in 1983.
I had to learn for my peace and sanity that, when a guy moves out of my life, it is for the best for him and, eventually, for me. So, let the dude go from my heart. For a true lasting relationship to grow, I had to accept the fact that I had to handle it like a flower in my hand. If I squeeze that flower in order to keep it, it will die. I must let the flower lay freely in my hand; it will live longer. And if it goes away by a breeze or whatever, then it is meant to go away. If it stays, it is destined to stay.
Diary Entry: Jan. 26, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 26, 1978) We’re (Midwest) in the midst of a near blizzard. I haven’t seen it this bad ever, and I have been born and raised here in Michigan. The blowing of snow is tremendous! And only a fool would go out in it unless he really had an emergency.
Oh, Charles called to say hey. He has phone service; I don’t. I cannot call out.
Obviously I’m not going to A2 [an abbreviation for Ann Arbor, MI]. Every college is closed in Wayne, Oakland, Macomb, Washtenaw, and Genesee counties except for UM-A2. Oh dear! However, I have no intentions of forging my way from here in Grand Blanc [my apartment was in Grand Blanc, MI, about 55 miles from A2] to A2.
On Wednesday, Harold Lancaster [fictitious name], the guy who works with Cynthia’s brother, called. He said he had just gotten my number two days ago and had been trying to contact me. I must admit that his conversation was pleasant. He is 32, 6’3”, raised in Jackson, MI, and is working on his B.A. at Wayne State University. We plan to continue our conversation tonight. I look forward to continuing the conversation. I’ll let God handle this. I am grateful that God let the guy call.
2025
Yep, an old flame may call. However, in order to begin anew, one must let the old flicker out and fall to the wayside. If one does not do that, she is bound to get burnt—hurt—again.
Who knows how the new dude may be? However, give him a chance. And if he does not seem to work out; then, be ready to meet someone else. I learned that holding onto the past would not benefit me or really the old dude. To put it delicately, he was probably lonely and wanted a “booty call.” And I was not up to just fulfilling some guy’s physical need. One thing I learned and I hope you young women out there will learn is that a chap can always find a female to take care of those primal needs. You have to remember that you are more than that, unless you want to be.
You will note that I ended with a trust in God to handle the matter. And I still believe that you must let your Higher Power handle matters. Also, being able to let that Power handle matters is so much better on the nerves!
OK, more to come...
Diary Entry: Jan. 28, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 28) It’s over! Thank God!!! The Founders Day dinner and the Pushkin presentation were splendid. With all the calling and planning and praying, a good crowd managed to come, despite the weather. To say the least, I was nervous and a bit worried if we would have a substantial turn out. However, with the help of God, we did.
Oh, Harold Lancaster did call on Thursday eve. The conversation continued to be pleasant. He is a Gemini (June 3) and has a nine-year-old girl from a previous marriage. He likes to trap shoot, play tennis, bicycle, etc., etc. If he looks adequate, he seems to be the most promising chap I’ve talked to in some time.
Tonight I learned something about myself. It is obvious, but I think it is appropriate to state. I am growing, and I have come to realize honestly I must accept Charles for the way he is. I got stuck in the snow when I got home. I called him for help. He hesitated and, then, admitted he was occupied. Except for being annoyed for my stuck situation, it really did not break me up as it would have a few months ago. We have had some nice moments together, and those I have enjoyed. Charles is happy not committing himself to any one woman. And I figure that’s his thang. I am only grateful to You and my Heavenly Friends that I have realized this and accepted it.
Now, I realize I MUST push on.
2025
As I shared earlier, I would mention other things going on in my life besides my romantic life. As a matter of fact, I suggest it is healthy for one to have more than a romantic side of her life. A dear friend of mine said: “If an event is successful, that means there was a lot of planning, calling, and more calling. Things just do not happen without a lot of behind-the-scenes hard work.” Most certainly, my committee and I worked very, very hard.
In 1978 I was quite involved in different activities. I was very active in my sorority, a devoted teacher of English composition, Black Lit, and American Sign Language, and taking courses to get into the doctoral program at U-M-A2.
Yes, it was nice to hear from the new guy, Harold.
Also, it was time for me to stop concerning myself about Charles. And when he could not come out to help my being stuck in the snow because of being occupied, which was another nice way of saying, “I am with a woman,” that definitely let me know there was little hope of rekindling the relationship. After all, why would I want to renew this relationship?
Of course, I should have figured that some time ago. However, I, like many of you, may tend to “hold out” longer in hope something may happen. And time spent hoping and hanging on the branch of a dead tree will just let you fall off onto the ground with emotional bumps and bruises.
Ladies, let the dude go and move on to a new relationship if you are ready. As you can see, I was not quite ready, but I was preparing myself—slowly and cautiously.
Diary Entry: Jan. 29, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 29) Today is most significant. I was talking with Mums. And she told me that getting seriously involved with a man who has children from a previous marriage is unwise. I know she is right. However, this was not the most significant point. As the conversation continued, I explained to Mums that IF this guy and I hit it off he would probably approach me sexually. And I feel I must love a man before doing that. I would be in one of two positions: 1) seriously involved (a no-no) or 2) not wanting to be involved sexually and, thus, alone again.
Mums, in a very sincere and compassionate way, informed me that the way of the world sees sex as sex and love as love. The two do not go hand-in-hand. And so, I should get my satisfaction and move right along. Mums was not encouraging me to be promiscuous. She was just telling me that I must view sex and love in two separate categories. She was surprised that I felt the way I do.
And as for me, I’m just disgusted! I’m disgusted that the 12 years of Catholic training was all a lie. It does not apply to a woman who chooses not to marry young and still be moral. All my life I have been playing by some spiritual rules which do not apply to the real world. And I feel perplexed and disgusted.
I’m most disgusted because I feel those rules are best. I feel that sincerity and love in a relationship are better than a non-committal relationship with just sexual gratification. However, I cannot change the facts of life. And it is this realization that makes me feel miserable and just disgruntled.
Mums keeps on reiterating that I’ll meet someone who does not have all the complications of children, etc. after I get my degree. And so, I should just play the game and wait until then. However, God, I don’t want to get into that game. And, also, I don’t want to be miserably alone or married to a man who has all these complications. I want to develop a serious and loving relationship with a man who is a professional who will treat me well and love me. I want this man to be able to deal with my moral codes.
2025
I was very close to my Mother. Sometimes, she and I had a sister/sister relationship. However, I always knew when I was the daughter and she the mother. She was my role model as to how I wanted my relationship to be with my daughter, if I were ever blessed to have a daughter, which I later did.
Sometimes, I was surprised with her perspective about relationships. She married my Dad after her sophomore year in college and did not start to complete her education again until I was ten years old. My Dad promised my Mother’s mother that he would send Mother back to college. And he did. Dad sent her back to school, but I understood why she was so adamant that I earn my degree, at least my bachelor’s, before marrying. And I did. As a matter of fact, I had my master’s degree before I married and was working on my doctorate before I married.
I must say I was surprised at her perspective about sex and relationships. I know she was not the “hot lady of the South.” I doubt she had much experience with men, perhaps, my Dad was the only one she knew in an intimate manner. I do not know if she may have had some regrets about such lack of experience. Perhaps, she wished to live vicariously through me.
My Dad had been married before he met my Mother, and he had a daughter. There was no closeness between my half-sister and me. And, most definitely, there was no relationship between my Mother and her. Even the relationship between my Dad and her was not close. The only time he heard from her is when she needed something, which he gave. And my Mother noted this.
I say all of this to say that even mothers may have some personal baggage that may influence the advice they give. When one becomes a grown woman, close to thirty, keep this in mind.
There is more I have to say about this Jan. 29th entry...
Diary Entry: Jan. 30, 1978
Dear Regioque (Jan. 30) Yeah, Mums I’ll meet the right dude for me once I earn my Ph.D. I just do not want to wait until I get my Ph.D. I don’t look forward to being an old maid, an unfulfilled woman. I want children. And I have waited very long for this special kind of relationship.
Yes, I realize what life is. However, is there not more? Must I succumb to this? Or must I resolve to be a lonely woman? Oh, God, PLEASE help me. Please send me that special man who will treat me as a queen and love me above all.
I don’t think this guy I shall meet this Saturday is the guy. I keep on feeling it is going to be someone who has less complications and who is more compatible with me professionally. God, I pray you send him soon. Yes, I still believe that I do not have to succumb to life’s games.
God, I need Your Help and Guidance. Please send me the right man for me. I so badly want to love and be loved. I want my relationship with this man to rise above such banality. After all it is hard for me to believe that You would let me live a lie all these years. Since I have tried to live by Your rules, I feel You will provide me with a man who will play Your game. All the professional, decent men can’t be taken. PLEASE!! Help me!!!
I put my faith in You!
2025
Um, you may think you will be without a real relationship. Based on my experience, it is doubtful the right man will not come in your life. As you can see, I did a lot of praying to my Higher Power. And, boy, did he deliver!
And Harold was not the man. What you will learn is that you have to go through other relationships before Mr. Right comes into your life. You should not date just any dude. However, it is healthy for you to meet different gents. This does not mean you have to be intimate with every man you date unless YOU want to and feel something for the guy.
Most assuredly, most religions do not teach reality when it comes to adult relationships, especially when it applies to unmarried, adult women who have a career. It is unrealistic for a grown woman not to engage in any intimacy until she is married unless she is married at eighteen or younger, which I do not recommend. She should know she is not a harlot if she has an intimate relationship with a person before she is married. She just needs to practice safety, caution, and discretion.
Diary Entry: Feb. 5, 1978
Dear Regioque (Feb. 5) I didn’t meet that guy [Harold Lancaster]. He called yesterday afternoon. He said he was working overtime, and he would come today. Oh no, I told him. I had made plans for Sunday. Maybe I’ll meet him next Saturday. Ho hum.
2025
The dude that gives you a last-minute opportunity to meet him is not the dude. Or at least let him know that you are not a last-minute woman. Yeah, Yeah, I know you want to meet someone, but the way you start a relationship is the way you end it. If the dude knows he can call you to make a last-minute date, you will always be the last-minute woman.
Diary Entry: Feb. 11, 1978
Dear Regioque (Feb. 11) Well, today is lovely, and I shall meet Harold Lancaster. I hope this evening goes well.
On Wednesday night I called Bob [Bob Scott] to get some advice on calling another guy. I have realized I shan’t get whom I want by waitin’. And so, Bob suggested that I do so. I prayed to God that I get some inspiration; and so, I figured Bob was the inspiration.
Thus, at 6:00 Thursday eve, I made my effort after praying that I not sound foolish. After months I call Roger Shuster. Oh well, he was cordial. I asked if he could help me with some statistics that were challenging me in a statistics course. No. I told him I had him in mind; and so, I called to see also if he would be interested in going to a play. He said he would call me back since he had company. He never did. Thus, I figure I got confused and missed my signals thinking God was inspiring me. I’m not really disappointed or embarrassed. I feel nothing ventured, nothing gained.
On Wednesday night Charles called. We go together. He was packing. We talked. And again I felt he was telling me something by certain innuendoes (hard to explain) about his past. Anyway, when we parted, it was pleasantly. I realized how much I still loved him.
Then, on Thursday eve, I see his new girl (I presume) go into his apartment. And then I realized how mixed up he is; how can he talk about intimacy with me in one night and be with another the next? Oh dear.I was not hurt, just miffed. Time will tell. I figure God will handle things.
2025
When I reflect on this entry, I realize how mixed up I was. It does not matter how educated one is academically, still, one can be foolish. I was foolish. And I do believe in the saying: "God helps babies and fools." There may be times when you think you are being a fool. That is OK. Your Higher Power will help guide you so do not beat yourself up for being a fool about a dude or dudes. You will make mistakes. It is through those mistakes that you will learn.
Now, I mention a chap named Bob. The first time I met him was for, perhaps, 2 minutes when he was leaving a position at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor to the new position of Personnel Director at the University of Michigan-Flint. At that time he was married. So, I met him; he was cordial, and that was that. Years later, he divorced; a mutual friend of ours encouraged me to stop by his office. It so happened that in the late 70s U-M-Flint and Mott Community College (MCC), where I worked, were on the same campus. Since the building I normally taught was undergoing reconstruction, I began teaching in the same building as Bob’s personnel office. I was urged to visit him. I did. We began to develop a friendship. And so, that was why I called him for advice. I saw him almost as a girlfriend. I was just comfortable talking to him about anything, thus, the reason I asked his opinion about calling Roger. Keep in mind there is a reason why I give you this background information about Bob.Now, what about Charles? Yes, I loved him. However, I had to realize he did not love me in the way I wanted. He loved women. And I had to suck it up and accept that. Any woman out there in a similar situation, as hard as it may be to accept, some dudes just like women, not one but many. If you like that kind of man, stay with him. If you do not, please let the dude go!
And, finally, I did, and so should you.
Diary Entry: Feb. 16, 1978
Dear Regioque (Feb. 16, 1978) Yesterday was productive. Thank You!
I have not heard from Charles; and so, I take this as his way of breaking the relationship. I feel this is the best. I wondered if I would be able to deal with his being gone. I have no problems. I’m glad.Of course, I wish him peace and happiness.
Oh, Harold called on Mon. eve to wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day. Nice. However, after that eve’s conversation, I’m even more certain that I really don’t want to be bothered with him. Oh well.
Cynthia [she is one of my dearest friends, really a sister to me] called Monday eve. Maybe she knows of someone else. Ho-hum.
2025
As I transcribe these diary entries, I see how I continue to refer to Charles. Yes, I say I am through and accept that I am through with him; still, I continue to think of him. Um, did I love him? Yes. However, why did I continue to think of him? Love can do that.
However, it is important to let the dude get out of the system. It is all right to consider dating someone new, but it is best not to get too involved. I may have said prior that a breakup with a person you really love is like a kind of death. It is important that you take the time to mourn. And that is what I needed to do—mourn.
Still, I wondered why it was taking me so much time to mourn. When I talked to my priest, he said to me, “You have been ready to have a committed relationship for years; it just so happens that the guys you have dated have not been ready. And that does not make them terrible guys. That is just the way things have been. One day you will meet a man who is on the same page as you, who will want a committed relationship that will lead to marriage. Just be patient.”
And I had to be patient. While being patient, it was all right to date new guys. It was all right not to see every guy as “the one.” Just enjoy meeting new guys and not make more of the date than what it is—a date. Geezo, a guy can sense a “hungry” woman. Don't be hungry. Just be open to an appetizer.
Diary Entry: March 4, 1978
Dear Regioque (Mar. 4) A lot has occurred since I last wrote. Two weeks ago Harold and I went to The Beach Tree for dinner and dancing. We had a pleasant time. And tomorrow I’ll drive into the city [Detroit]; we plan to go to a concert at the Music Hall and then go to dinner. Harold has given me much attention by calling. And I must admit I like getting some attention.
Oh yes, Charles called twice last week. I was surprised. Maybe I’ll hear from him again. Do you know I still have strong feelings for him? When will they subside and cease? Why do I love so long and so deeply even though I am not being loved? Why? Why?
I have some feeling in my heart that God has not abandoned me. I feel the man of my dreams is close by. All I have to do is touch him. Oh, I want to love, but, more than that, I want someone to love me deeply—someone whom I can respect and feel an attraction to.
Oh, this past week was quite busy. I studied harder than I have in a long time. I have not studied as much since Chemistry and Zoology. I participated in a study group in Detroit. The members of the group worked industriously.
Well, on Fri. I received a hefty retroactive check. I plan to use it wisely. I thank God for it.
Today I have rested. The first Saturday in months that I could do such. Whew!
Oh, yesterday I treated myself to a dinner at J. L. Hudson’s and I went to see the movie JULIA, a provocative movie.
As I review over previous entries, I notice that the only chap who has rung my chimes besides Charles has been Hadley [I had not even mentioned him in my writings, but he did interest me—much]. However, he has not contacted me. Thus, I guess God has not chosen him for me either. Oh well, Thine will be done.
I must continue to hope.
2025
As much as I had written about my love life or lack thereof, other things were happening. I was working intensely as a doctoral student. I was studying intensely in my first of two Statistics courses.
The professor suggested that I consider working in a group. I took her advice. The group welcomed me, and I am convinced that its members contributed to my final success in the course. We all had full-time jobs and had no time to waste. We would get together at a member’s home for hours. Whew!
And as you can see, I was pining over another dude. I had not mentioned him in my entries. Perhaps, I recognized that he was not interested in me as I was in him. I mean when a dude does not call, that is a clear sign that you should not put much thought about the guy. It was time for me to do something by myself. And I did. I went to dinner by myself and, later, went to see a movie. Life goes on, and I kept that in mind. I strongly suggest that it is important that a woman enjoys being by herself. If you love to see a good movie, go and see it—by yourself. Whatever you enjoy, do it. Just to think about a dude who is not giving you the time of day is a waste of your time.
Diary Entry: March 18, 1978
Dear Regioque (Mar. 18) Another busy week has passed. Whew! I was so tired from the weekend that I almost dragged myself through the week.
Last night Audrey [a colleague and friend] and I went to dinner at the restaurant, Forbidden City. Very nice. Then, I went to see THE GOOD-BYE GIRL— a very good flick with some nice humor. And after the movie, I went to the grocery store. To say the least, it was a full day, but it ended pleasantly. I actually felt like shopping after going to dinner and seeing the flick.
Today I plan to fix dinner for Harold. I pray that it turns out very good. Help, St. Zita [the patron saint of cooks and the saint I chose to be my special saint when I was baptized as a Catholic at age 15].
Oh, on Wed. eve Charles called. I went over to his place. His home is just beautiful—to say the least. As a matter of fact, it is the kind of place I have always dreamed about having. I only hope that such a dream occurs. Good grief, the salary I make now does not make such a dream feasible. Oh well, I pray.
It was nice being with Charles. Yes, I still love him deeply. And of course, he does not love me at all. What a mess! It is good that he has moved. What’s wrong with me? Why do I still love the man?
Possibly if I met the right kind of guy then my feelings for Charles would lessen. I just have not met anyone better than Charles, despite his faults. Only the guy named Hadley, and I feel God does not want him for me since he did not ever call. So, here I am. Oh, God, You’ll just have to handle the mess. Now, I don’t feel depressed about the situation. I don’t feel You’ve doomed me to old-maidenhood. I just feel You have chosen someone super for me, and I must wait. I just pray that You present him to me—sooner than later. Please??
I want to—I need to be loved. There is a part of my life that needs fulfillment. Help!!
2025
It is so important that you enjoy being by yourself. Also, it is important that you have different friends with whom you enjoy doing fun things, going out to dinner and just enjoying having a nice conversation. I definitely know it was very healthy for me.
Yes, Charles called after it was quite evident the relationship was finished. When you can spend time with the guy knowing nothing is going to come out of the get-together, you are truly beginning to heal. As you can see that even though I realized that there would be no love response from Charles, I still loved him. Again, I had to accept that I still loved him, but he did not love me. And it takes time to accept the reality of the end of this relationship. And nothing is wrong with you; you just have to snot-nose work through it.
However, you will see that the dude who pursued did win my heart, but there will be a twist in this pursuit.
You can see I was trying. I was still dating Harold, even going to fix him a meal when he visited me.
I did acknowledge my need to be loved. Nothing is wrong with my wanting to be loved. Nothing is wrong with your wanting to be loved. Just be careful not to lower your standards, no matter how much a dude may pursue you. If you are not feeling him, you just are not.
However, you will see that the dude who pursued did win my heart, but there will be a twist in this pursuit.
Diary Entry: March 19, 1978
Dear Regioque (Mar. 19) Well, thanks to St. Zita my dinner turned out quite well. Harold and I had a pleasant evening. Gee, I was too tired to even consider going out afterwards.
I slept for just about 11 hours. And even though I went to bed at 7:00 eve and slept until about 10:15 AM the next day, I must be more tired than I can ever imagine. Eek! However, I'm glad I got the rest.
I talked with Claudette [another dear friend and my godmother—keep in mind that I was baptized as a Catholic at age 15] yesterday and Claire, my Sand [we pledged Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., my bestest of friends]. Gee, I miss talking with them. Claire said she would be up here from Florida to visit on July 23. I can hardly wait!
On another subject—Charles. When I was with him, he asked me why were we so good together. My response was because I loved him and he was an expert. He denied his expertise but not the fact about my love. I really think he is afraid of my love for him. Oh, God, if he would only believe that I will not hurt him.
2025
I was very tired and needed badly to get some sleep. If you are a busy woman, you need to know when to stop and get some rest. You cannot function being dead tired. No matter what your social life is or your profession is, you MUST get your rest. You cannot think clearly to be a functioning person.
And you see I had dear friends, very dear friends. Claudette and Claire and Cynthia were dear friends of mine. And they were bridesmaids at my wedding. Yes, I did get married. You will find out to whom later on as you continue to read this love story.
Um, it seems this Charles guy still had a part of my heart. But I knew just as you will know and will need to accept the fact that the dude is not for you, and all the non-professional psychoanalysis you perform will not change things. And I had to learn and accept that I was not a psychoanalyst of Charles. Maybe he was not able to accept my love. Maybe the dude you love is not ready to accept your love; you cannot help him. You must let him go. You must in order for you to maintain your sanity.
Diary Entry: May 8, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 8, 1979) In two days I shall celebrate my birthday. I am grateful to God that I have lived this long. I am healthy. Gee, there are many who are not. I wish, however, my romantic life were as healthy. The up and down of it is now down. The past weekend was the last straw. I called and talked to Harold on Sat. We ended the conversation with the understanding that he would call me on Sunday. He never did. I was extremely disappointed and disgusted. I am exasperated with his actions. And so, I have decided to call it quits. I hate to have to do this around my birthday. However, I do not see any other alternative.
I just don’t know what else to do. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to believe or trust anyone. I really want to marry and have a family. I do not want to be too old for my children.I don’t want my whole sexual life wasted. Do you realize in my prime I have been pretty dormant? What good is it when you’re too old?? Oh, I’m not saying one can’t enjoy sex at 50 or 60 or 70. However, I feel it’s a different enjoyment as opposed to that of younger years.So here I am.
God, I know that You have a reason for everything. And obviously this whole mess has a purpose. And equally obvious is I sure cannot figure it and won’t try. Thy Will Be Done. I only pray that You will give me the strength and guidance to live by Your Will.Gee, I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust any man. He starts off talking romance and, then, even after months when I show some affection, he acts simple. Phooey.Well, one thing is for sure, this birthday will not be as happy as the one of last year. Such is life.
THE TRANSITION IN 1979
Well, you have a pretty good idea about my social life during the early part of 1978. So, let us move to mid-1979.
Harold continued to pursue me. After many times my telling him that I was not interested, Finally, I did start to find him appealing. After his continuing to be very nice to me, I decided that I should not be silly. After all, he was giving me the attention and kindness that I wanted. So, I figured, perhaps, he was the man that God had sent. He seemed he wanted a committed relationship. He took me to meet his Mother. I even met his daughter. I fell in love with him.
Surprise, Surprise, when I began to care for him, he began to start to be less consistent in his interest in me. His behavior confused me. I began to question my ability to make good choices. I just did not know what to do.
Although it may be difficult for you, you should not put all men in the same category. Not to trust any man will not benefit you or the man who may really care for you or may be “the one.”
And what I thought about sexual enjoyment for 50, 60, or 70 year-olders, I can say it becomes different but “betterer and betterer” if you truly love one another.
Diary Entry, May 10, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 10, 1979) Happy B’day to me. I am extremely grateful to God that I have lived this long. I feel blessed.
And good things have definitely happened. Bob Scott is taking me to see THE CHINA SYNDROME. We had a super time talking. He would be a nice friend. I think that is what we both need. Next, Gerald Martin called this morn to wish me a happy birthday. I tactfully let him know I wanted to meet him or something. And so, May 20 he's coming up here.
As for Harold I feel I must move on. I am not as pained as with Charles. My prayers to God for strength and guidance have helped. I can only continue to pray for his aid.
I've got a lot of books to read. And I need to get a dissertation and read it. Gee whiz, and it seems this month is flying. However, I am certain that with God's Help I'll make it.
2025
Diary Entry: May 13, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 13, 1979) Today is Mother’s Day! I am very grateful to God for my Mommy. When I returned from my trip, I called Mums to make certain she got her flowers and card. She did.
Oh, the trip with Donna Smith really was nice. And I found the presentation worthwhile. I got an opportunity to speak with Professor Stephen Quigley. Interesting.
Now, for my personal life, I had a marvelous time seeing THE CHINA SYNDROME with Bob Scott. He is a nice chap. And we had a nice time talking and laughing. I feel he could become a nice friend.
On Friday I found a floral bouquet at(?) my apartment’s door when I returned from work. It was from Harold. Now, what’s wrong with me? I was not moved or elated. It is very pretty, but I am blah in regard to my feelings.
And when I returned from Illinois and found the b’day card from him, I really felt passive. I think Harold has killed my love for him. At this point I don’t want to love any man. And I know I don’t want to feel anything for Harold because I just don’t want to be hurt. And I am just totally confused about my feelings for him. I just don’t know if he is the one for me.
I really don’t think Gerald is, but time will tell.
One thing is for sure. God will have to figure out the mess.
2025
One thing that was always certain in my life—my love for my Mother and, Daddy, too. And I tried to show that love on special days and days that were not.
As can be seen I went on a business trip. I never let the ambiguity of my personal life interfere with my professional life. Sitting in my apartment moanin’ and groanin’ just was not my style. And I hope it is not yours either.
And the “Johnnie-come-lately” bouquet of flowers was not going to assuage my feelings. I was beginning to see that my feelings were not as intense for Harold. The flowers way after my birthday just were not making the impact that they used to make. And dern
it, I was irritated to think that he thought such a gift could replace his not even wishing a happy birthday on the actual day.
Um, that nice friend, Bob Scott, was there.
Diary Entry: May 15, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 15, 1979) Claudette has been a true friend to me. We talked for a long time. She has helped me talk out my concerns regarding Harold. It seemed obvious to both of us that I should end the whole thing.
Logic tells me that. if there should be a choice between Gerald and Harold, the choice is Gerald. Maybe I am not giving Gerald the benefit of the doubt. Oh well, at least this Sunday he’ll be coming to visit. And so, I can get a more clear perception of the guy.
Yes, my head tells me I should forget Harold. My heart tells me there is hope. And God I know I listen to my head. However, I keep on wondering what have I done wrong. And why didn’t this happen earlier? It could have warded off so much discomfort. Oh well.
2025
Talking things out with a good friend is good therapy. And as I reflect, I should have ended the relationship then. But I did not.
As you can see, I was chatting with this new dude, Gerald. We had not actually met but had talked much on the phone. It is healthy to interact with other males, but it is important not to put him in the crosshairs of another relationship.
Now, as a seasoned woman, I know that one must always follow one's head. In 1979, my heart ruled over my head, which was unfortunate. And I say to you, my youngsters, always go with the head.
Diary Entry, May 16, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 16, 1979) I want to share with you the conversation I had with Harold.. He called me earlier today. Of course, I was exasperated. And I ended it abruptly. Then, I started thinking I had to get to the bottom of things. And so, I called him an hour later. And we talked.
With all of my Heavenly Friends’ help, I managed to express myself. He shared some things. He pointed out that he wasn’t up to any “fishiness.” That just was not his thing. “I’m not a flirt. I’m just not that kind of person.” He stated that he had dated some other women during our relationship. but “nothing earth shattering.”
I pointed out to him that it seemed he was trying to push me away subconsciously so that he wouldn’t be hurt. Unfortunately, he is hurting me. He did admit in a quiet manner, when I inquired or expressed my doubts about his feelings, he gave an interesting reply: “I don’t know how to handle my feelings about you. Maybe I am afraid of being. . . “ I can’t remember exactly, but I know he stated what I have been feeling. He’s scared of letting himself love in depth and freely.
He said he couldn’t study and be with me at the same time: “I like to be into you.”
Why didn’t he call? He couldn’t really explain why he didn’t call. And he admitted if I had done such to him he would have been hurt and mad and would have questioned my feelings toward him. I believe he had no logical reason. It seems so like Harold.
He said he seems to be disorganized when it comes to me. True. Why? He can’t figure it out. He asked for my patience. Oh dear.
I felt the conversation was necessary and good. I know I love him. God, is Harold best for me? I need to know.
When I talked with him in the early part of the conversation, I let him know I was hurt. I asked him what had I done wrong. He kept repeating nothing.
God, I need Your Guidance, and so does Harold!!
2025
When a relationship is at a crossroads, it is sensible to talk with the person, and express your feelings. Be open and honest. Yeah, what the dude says may hurt, but you must take that chance. After all, you are old enough to “put those big-girl-panties on” and cope with the reality of the reasons as he and you see it.
I said earlier that you should not have to be the psychologist of the relationship. Yet, you see that I was trying then. I was trying to remember everything he said so that I could ruminate on his words and process what he said.
As a senior I might see that effort I made was a waste of time. But no, I believed then and believe now, that I needed to do everything I could to keep the relationship. So, if and when I let it go, I would not see any need to look back or go back.
Yes, I said earlier that you should not have to be the psychologist of the reltionship. Yet, you see that I was trying then. I was trying to remember everything he said so that I could ruminate on his words and process what he said.
As a senior I might see that effort I made was a waste of time. But no, I believed then and believe now, that I needed to do everything I could to keep the relationship. So, if and when I let it go, I would not see any need to look back or go back.
And, yes, I continued to trust in my Higher Power to Guide me.
Diary Entry: May 17, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 17) I have learned some things. First and foremost, it is best to talk with your man rather than anyone else when apart. Then, you get the real scoop from him. Second, call or see him immediately. Get the mess cleared up before any incorrect speculations take place. Third, it is important to realize that your man is an individual And so, despite what seems a logical way to act that does not mean it’s logical for him. He will not act like your friends’ husbands. Thus, it is important to assess him clearly and logically. Now, of course, I should have realized such and done such, but logic has not always worked when trying to figure out Harold.
2025
Um, let me say that when logic does not apply to the dude you are liking, then, he should not be the dude you should be liking or carrying the torch for, but, as you can see, I was not realizing that or wanting to accept that when I wrote that diary entry.
Diary Entry: May 26, 1979
Dear Regioque (May 26) The next day Gerald came up. Eek. We talked. I wasn’t all that impressed. I look at it this way. I wasn’t alone for a few hours. I know he is Mr. Perfect. He has the degrees, the nice car, a nice crib, and is quite intelligent, the kind of dude my Mother would like and think good for me.
However, my Mother is not dating him. And my feelings are: I have met Mr. Right, but he ain’t right for me.
Harold came up on Monday. As usual I was happy to see him. We enjoyed being together. Then, he told me that he might be gone for the holiday. Here we go again. Anyway we agreed that I would call him Thursday eve.
Well, no Harold.
I had a time to do a lot of thinking. One, I called Bob Scott and took him up on his invitation to visit his Mom’s house for a bar-b-que for the holiday. I definitely did not want to spend another holiday alone. and I knew I would just get depressed. Besides, I enjoy Bob’s company. He’s a very nice man and is turning into a super friend.
This morn I made a decision. Before writing in this diary, I called Harold. He was home. However, he planned to go out of town calmly and deliberately I shared with him my misgivings. And I ended my discussion by letting him know his actions are telling me one thing and his words another. “Your actions are saying you don’t want me in your life. And so, I made it clear that I loved him, but I could not do anymore.
We talked. Harold admitted he just didn’t know what made him act the way he did. I told him to think about all I had said, and, if he wanted to renew the relationship, he should call me after I returned from Rochester, NY [I was to study and be an intern at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf; this was to help me with my studies to shape up my desire to be an effective teacher of Deaf students and determine my dissertation topic.]. I made it perfectly clear I would not just resume dating again. Nope, he would have to commit himself to me in marriage. I know I did the right thing for myself and him, too.
2025
Yes, May 26, 1979 was a turning point in my life.
Whenever, you say to a man or make it clear to him that he must “S*it or get off the pot,” you must be ready for the answer. And that answer will come in action, not words. Finally, I was ready. And my not waiting to see his actions was very good for me. Going on my internship at Rochester gave me—and him—time to think and assess the relationship or lack thereof. Now, I cannot tell you to go on an internship if you are ever in a similar situation, but I can say get by yourself to think, using your head, not your heart.
Now, I know this is during Valentine’s Day and you may be thinking: Dang, this does not seem to be a love story; it seems like a hard-luck story. However, just hold on; things do really get better.
REAL love takes time. And, sometimes, you may not even know a real relationship is beginning. And the Good Lord may just have to do His thang to help you begin to see it. Well, that is what happened to me.
So be patient and read more. . .
Diary Entry: June 2, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 2) I had a nice Memorial Day. I went to Bob Scott’s Mom’s house. It was an all-around nice time there.
Last night Bob took me to the Urban League's annual dinner. Andrew Young was the speaker. He was very good. I really enjoyed myself.
Still, I think of Harold. I mean losing his interest is very ego-depleting. I have questioned my very womanhood. Yes, I know he says nothing is wrong with me. However, is my love, my womanhood, so unexciting that I lose every time?
And I wonder why is this happening. I begged God to take Harold from me months ago. No, it is when, as usual, I said Thine Will Be Done, You snatched the dude from me. It’s almost like those words only bring pain in my life. Now, I know that is not fair to You, God. I know You do not sit in Heaven thinking or planning ways to stick it to me. But I am sure You understand that I just had to let that out of my system. OK?
The pain is almost too much. Please help me. It is not strength I need. It is the love of a man. PLEASE, I beg of You.
2025
This diary entry is my ranting and raving at my Dear Lord. I am glad that He did not hit me upside the head. Also, I am glad that my guardian angel did not smack me. Both of them were probably saying, “Wait, Missy, good things come to those who wait. And we are both here with you. We will get you through this pain. Remember that ‘Joy cometh in the morning.’"
Diary Entry: June 8, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 8—3:30 AM) I just can’t sleep. I have things on my mind that I want to share.
After reading previous entries about Harold, I realize that he has not lied about his love for me. Unfortunately, he cannot commit himself. That is the main problem—his problem, not mine.
And I don't regret having met and loved him. He is a good man. And we have treasured some beautiful moments together. I feel blessed.
Now, for the birth of a strange happening. I am beginning to like Bob Scott. No, not love, just like as more than a friend/friend. I look forward to his calls. And he can talk, I mean TALK for hours. He is the kind of man one cannot help but like.
There is no love-at-first-sight stuff. I see him as a friend. That is how this relationship began and is at present. However, it is from our conversations that the potential for something more could occur. However, we are both taking it slow because we have both been hurt.
I don't know what's to become of this friendship, but it sure is nice.
Last Wed. eve he called and we yakked for 2 hours and could have yakked longer. And our conversation really hit upon deep issues. I felt comfortable telling him exactly how I felt about serious things. I would actually tell him what's on my mind as if I were a dear girl friend.
Harold and I had a beautiful friendship. However, for me to be as open was not like me.
Things are different with Bob. That is probably because we have started this relationship not as two folks looking for someone to date but as two folks looking for someone as a friend of the opposite sex just to talk to and enjoy.
One thing is for sure, Bob Scott is a super man, one whom I am beginning to like and would like to know better.
Gee, he is the ONLY reason I wish I were not going to Rochester. I’ll miss our conversations.
2025
Well, now you are seeing the “Joy” that has “cometh in the morning.” and at that writing I did not realize that Bob Scott was the Joy. However, he was.
However, I did not know just how much happiness he would add to my life. I was hesitant, but I did not let my past muckup my efforts to meet or consider a new relationship. Don’t let the past screw up your present or future; however, just be sure you have LEARNED from the past.
June 8, 1978 I made a decision to move forth, not being bitter, just moving forth, being open to a new friendship, a possible relationship.
Diary Entry: June 9, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 9) I talked to Claudette last night. I shared with her my fears and indecisiveness regarding Harold and Bob. As always her level-headed words acted as a sense of comfort and direction for me. I really feel blessed having her as a friend.
Indeed, we both realized how much I shall need this trip to Rochester to get my head together regarding my social life. Yes, I love Harold very much, but I have no guarantee that he won’t shaft me again. However, it is important that I don’t lean on Bob because of his niceness or misunderstand our friendship for anything more.
Oh, I don’t want to make a mistake in my choice.
If I ever marry, I want to stay married and be happy. I will have waited too long for it to be a miserable flop.
I really need God’s Help and Wisdom and Guidance. I am in a definite quandary.
2025
When I reflect on my indecisiveness, I know now that was the first key sign that Harold was not for me. However, I was young and did not have the wisdom that I now have. I can say to any young woman that a solid relationship is unwavering trust. If you feel that you may be “shafted” again, don’t put yourself in that situation—again.
Yes, it is important that you do not “use” anyone. That is why it is important to TAKE YOUR TIME before getting involved in a new relationship.
There is an old saying: “One bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.” Harold was one of those birds in the bush. He was the one that was an uncertainty. He was the one who may or may not call. The “one in the hand” was Bob.
And if it had turned out that Bob was not the one for me, still, he was the one who acted like he cared. He was the slow and steady one. He was the one whom I was not uncertain about regarding his behavior toward me. And I can say that he was definitely one with whom I flew with and never regretted the flight.
Diary Entry: June 12, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 12) On a very pleasant note, I received a call from Bob. He is taking me out to dinner this coming Wednesday eve. I really look forward to seeing him. I don’t know what was wrong with me. When he called I just ran off the mouth talking with him. Oh, Sir, please control me the next time. I guess I was so glad to hear from him I lost my head. He is so nice. I like him. And I shall miss him this summer. I secretly wish he would come to Rochester to visit. Oh, I must take it as it is and not push things. I’ll let God handle things.
It is, when I stop trying to figure things out, God always comes through. Yes, in God I pray and trust.
2025
You might say I was acting like a teenage girl rather than a grown woman. When a dude brings out the youthfulness out of you, he is worth considering. Also when you find joy in just hearing the guy's voice and being out with him, yup, he is worth considering. However, this may not mean he is "the one." It does mean he is very special and time for you to let your Higher Power guide you through this budding relationship.
Diary Entry: June 14, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 14) This has been a lovely week. Yesterday was perfect—the right temperature, little humidity, sunshine, and the right breeze. And what really made things A-OK was the dinner with Bob. We had a pleasant time together. We went to the Harbour House for dinner then returned to my apartment to chat a bit. And after he left, I even got the bulk of my students’ papers checked. Ta da!
On Tuesday I did my long since due Spring cleaning. Thanks to God I had the invigoration to work solidly from 7:30 AM to 2:00 PM Whew! Now, I really feel good because my apartment is clean. And I wanted to accomplish this before I went to Rochester.
Now, back to Bob. When we were just walking around, we saw this woman who was in the Mall taking pictures. Bob wanted me to have my picture taken so that he would have a photo of me. I declined stating that I really didn’t look my best. Now, I really don’t understand myself. I looked rather nice. I need to kick myself in the boody. Everytime Bob makes a slight move toward me, I hold back. My goodness, I sure don’t want the man to think I don’t like him or don’t want to know him. I do. I just guess I am slow and conservative nnd cautious and don’t want to seem pushy. Oh pooh!
I’ll be in Rochester two weeks from now. Then, I’ll be too far to be pushy or slow. Gee, I do like him. No, there is no love. I just know I’d like to know more about Robert M. Scott, Jr. to deepen our friendship.
2025
It is important that you enjoy nature, the world around you. In this way you recognize that the world does not revolve around you. You are a small part of its beauty. What does this have to do with love? Love or the beginning of a true love relationship increases your ability to see all the beauty that surrounds you.
Diary Entry: June 16, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 16) Tonight Bob and I will be going to the Alabama State Formal. I do hope we have a good time. I know my being with Bob will make it fun. However, I am hoping the affair is fun in addition to our being there.
Oh! I had a lovely conversation with Bob last night. I was SO glad to hear from him. We both wanted to chat to one another on Thursday and Friday, but we were concerned we would be too pushy. Isn’t that funny?
Bob said the nicest thing to me: “Excuse this expression, but the next two months are going to be hell without you.” I was really touched. For, indeed, I shall miss talking and seeing Bob. He has been very NICE to me. He has been a super friend. And what’s so cool is he is letting the friendship grow into something more beautiful.
I shared with him the fact that I wanted to call him Thurs. and Fri nights, but I didn’t want to be rejected. I felt comfortable enough to admit that to him. That’s what is so great about Bob. I can freely say what I feel. I don’t feel like he’ll take it the wrong way.
You know in the past I realized that there was always someone better than whom I was dating. However, I really was not interested. In the case of Robert M. Scott, Jr., I don’t think there is. If so, he must almost be ready to croak and go to Heaven. Bob is super! Super!
I am very happy and grateful that God has put such a man in my life. I shall definitely treasure him.2025
When I began my diary as a thirteen year-old, I wanted to be able to remember what it was like being thirteen, twenty, thirty, forty, etc. As I started this writing, I wanted my future daughter and granddaughter to know me and, perhaps, see a little of themselves as they read my diaries. They will see that the poised and self-assured woman they now see or remember seeing [remember I plan for them to read this sometime after I make my transition from this life to a spiritual one. I am hoping they and, perhaps, you will see that I was young, sometimes, silly, sometimes, totally clueless when it came to dudes. And there were times I spent a lot of unnecessary moments loving some guys. However, it was a part of the process to mature and recognize when the right man for me finally entered my life.
I want all daughters and granddaughters to know that it is all right to be silly, unsure, hurt, hesitant, and in love. And if you believe in a Higher Power, let that Higher Power guide you through every relationship. Every relationship is a preparation for the one that is best for you.
Um, I am glad I kept my volume of diaries. I am glad that I can remember the actual things my guy said to me so long ago. So, whenever my Higher Power welcomes Bob to his final home I shall be able to hold in my heart and mind the joy of the relationship.
You, too, may wish to start your own diary. It may help you see how you have navigated through life's challenges. Rejoice in your growth!
Diary Entry: June 18, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 18) Bob and I had a marvelous time last night. Mums and Daddy looked great. We all danced ourselves to death—almost. Gee, we had fun.
Oh, Daddy really liked Bob. He remarked about him when we were dancing together. The only other guy Daddy took such a liking to was Charles. My! Even Mums told me that Daddy was impressed with Bob. Of course, Mums had reserved comments, but she seemed a bit more open. Time will tell.
I was thinking of Bob and tried to call him, but his line was busy. Then, he rang me. As usual we talked a long time. Oh, again, he said something so nice and so honestly. He had difficulty sleeping. He said, “I was thinking a lot about you. Oh, I’m not supposed to tell you that.” He was so for real and so refreshingly unabashed in sharing his true feelings.
2025
It is good to go to different events. This is a good way you can see how you and he get along. And, yes, it is important that the guy meets your parents as well as you his. Does it seem he and you get along with your folks? Yep, it is not just the man you are beginning a relationship with; also, it is with each other’s family.
Are both of you comfortable being real with each other? Um, that is so very important. Geezo, if I had known then what I know now, I probably could have saved myself some heartbreak. Still, I recognized just how special he was. And that will be the same for you when the right man for you enters your life.
Diary Entry: June 21, 1979
Dear Regioque (June 21) I am recuperating from a terrible cold. Tuesday and Wednesday I felt my worse. Now, I think I got the thing under control.
Oh, on Monday, I drove into Detroit. Mums treated Daddy to a Father’s Day dinner at the Summit, the top of the Renaissance. I accompanied them. That was nice.
I have spent the remainder of the week in bed sleeping. I must have been whipped. That is probably why I caught that awful cold.
Bob called last night to see how I was feeling. He also invited me to his house for dinner tomorrow night. That should be nice.
Of course, I have made up my mind that it is definitely over for Harold and me. His calling in the Fall will not change that. I must realize that if a person does one wrong for no reason now, I have no guarantee that he won’t do a repeat in the future, Harold is a good man, and I don’t regret having met and loved him. Now, I must look to the future.
2025
As you can see, I have spent time with my parents. They are two people who were very significant in my life. And I saw that Bob's Mother (his Dad was in a facility due to a stroke) and Dad were dear to him. Um, it is so important to keep your relationship with your parents, no matter whom you meet. And it is important to see if a strong relationship is between your dude and his parents. One thing is for sure; If the dude is not close with people who nurtured him from toddler to adulthood, he is not likely to be really close to you.
Yes, I reflected on Harold and had no regrets loving him. However, I was glad that my Higher Power helped me recognize THE man for me. And I was ready to nurture that new and budding relationship.
When the time comes for you, I do hope you do the same.
There were times that some of you may say I was a fool. That is OK. The path to a real love relationship takes time with some sharp curves, valleys, and mountains, but embrace the ride. Learn from it.
The day before my wedding day, a lady said to me, "Aren't you nervous? I would be nervous. You seem so calm. What's your secret?"
My reply to her was, "I am sure."
My being able to look to the future has served me 44 years of happiness with Robert M. Scott Jr. And I hope you will have the joy of being in love with your Black man, or whatever ethnicity, as long and joyful as I.
Thank you for spending the time to read my Black Love Story!
